It’s a love-hate relationship with my body. (Super Long & Personal. Don’t read)
k, I haven’t written a personal post in a while. Since every one in the world decided to get sick or fall asleep early, I’m up and bored and thinking. As I was laying here in the dark I started to rub my tummy. And then I started to touch my sides and then I started to think of how chubby I am. The weird thing is…I’m comfortable with it. A thought came up to my head that I don’t think I’ve ever had in my entire life. “I love my body.” I absolutely love my body. I am so comfortable in my body it’s ridiculous. I think this is the most comfortable or the most that I’ve liked my body ever. Even more than when I was skinny! Ever since I was really young I was always the tiny one. I was extremely skinny and I just never gained weight. I then started gaining weight around middle school, grew boobs and more ass. I wasn’t used to looking so, let’s call it, healthy. I was used to my ribs popping out from how skinny I was. So when I actually looked GOOD, I was worried I looked fat. So ever since middle school I was always self cautious, trying to lose weight, even when I didn’t need to. I was into a lot of sports and activities so that always kept me kind of fit, but it was never enough for me. I was always self cautious about my weight. In high school I stopped all of my hobbies and sports. So I REALLY started to gain weight. Slowly..but surely. And let’s just say I hated it. I wasn’t doing it on purpose..but I wasnt doing anything to avoid or stop it either. Now here I am. At the heaviest I’ve ever been in my entire life. And I don’t know if I should be proud to say that I’m so content with my body, it’s crazy. I know I’m chubby, and hell yea I would love to lose about 50 pounds, but hey, I’m still happy with my body like this. Everyone’s Always saying oh “don’t complain about being fat if you still eat the way you do.” Thing is…I’m not complaining? YOU are. Other people are SO unhappy with my weight. I mean I know I should too. Some people blame it on “health”. But I know deep down they just want me to look good. The only place im self cautious about is my face. I have a fat face and its so round and chubby. My family is always talking crap about me being fat. But I honestly don’t care. Now..why am I so hung-up on this concept of me liking my body so much? Because He doesn’t. He wants me to lose weight. He wants me to be smaller… And it’s just like.. It makes me feel like he’s ashamed of being seen with me. And it’s the worst feeling in the world when you FINALLY. FINNNAAALLLYY start to like your body and appreciate it, and then one of the only people whose opinion matters to you a lot..tells you they want you to change it. It just fucking sucks. A lot. Idk. I just felt like I had to let that out…I doubt anyone will read it, especially since its so long and it’s just a girl talking about her weight problems. Whatever..
